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Background noises.

I walk into my classroom and approach to talk to a person I feel most comfortable with, and the first thing that person says after seeing me is,
“Why are you wearing pink today? It is making you look very fat!”
Or, “Your boobs look really huge today, how many bras are you wearing?”
Or, “You look so dull today, didn’t you sleep all night?”

The normal reaction to all these harsh comments is probably a smile followed by a joke you make on yourself. Well, that’s what I do normally. I smile and let it go.

I am sure many of us have been through this situation where people comment on your behavior or the way you look or act and you feel very vulnerable, it breaks you down, it breaks your self-esteem. People don’t care about the constant battle you are fighting to love yourself no matter what, to love your body and to appreciate it. People don’t understand that maybe you didn’t sleep all night because you have been facing insomnia all your life, and what’s it like to have trouble falling asleep. People don’t understand that you stood in front of the mirror for so long just to make sure your breasts don’t look big. People don’t understand. All they know is to comment on you and then to expect you to be fine with those comments.

I grew up listening to all those comments about me being fat and dusky and socially-awkward. I, who used to a happy-go-lucky kid, started having social anxiety because of all those comments. It broke me down, big time. I lost the confidence to even go to a shop to buy something I needed. I started staying up all night thinking about how I was going to face those people again the next morning. Before I knew it, I became an insomniac.

I have always let people define me, I have always measured my self-worth on the basis of people’s opinion about me. When I was in seventh grade, one of my teachers told me that I was talent-less and I believed him, I didn’t believe in myself, I only believed him. One of my friends commented on me saying I chew too loudly and I stopped eating properly every time I was with that person. But as I reached that moment of clarity, I realized that those comments do not matter, they are just background noises. And if you choose to unhear it, it’s possible to actually unhear it.

One fine morning, you are going to wake up, and what that girl said about you looking fat, it’s not going to matter. You will realize that you have so much potential stored in you and those background noises can not stop you from achieving your highest potential.

I have realized that my relationships do not define who I am. Its me who is going to choose who I want to be. I love my body, regardless of the fact that I am fat or thin. I have a curvy body, and I love it. I accentuate my appearance as it is, and its upto me if I want to change the way I look. Nobody can tell me to do it. I am the writer of my own story.

I know, many people growing up feel the same way that I do. They diminish their worth for others which is not worth it. I did the same thing and the only thing I achieved was feeling bad about myself. So, to all the young people who are facing the same things I did, I suggest you to love who you are. Those comments are eventually going to fade in, and you are going to come out a stronger person. So, take your time, reflect on it, and love yourself, every version of yourself.

Pratiksha Rajopadhyaya

0 thoughts on “Background noises.

  1. Reply
    Yajju Nepali
    April 23, 2016 at 10:18 pm

    I know how you feel. The way how we let people define us. We know that it is wrong but we still let it happen but that is not the worst thing. The worst thing is that we did not do anything to stop it. We did not stand up for ourselves. After reading your blog, i feel like my eyes have opened and i know what i must do now.

    I am proud of the writer for sharing this with us. This might have been tough for you…..

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